More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
