Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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