I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
