saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
