this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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