so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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