I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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