Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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