I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
