I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
