I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
