U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
