How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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