Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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