Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
