My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i've created a new STD.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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