My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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