Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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