i just wanna soil my oats bro
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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