She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
