I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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