I didn't shave. On purpose
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
