Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize