is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
