Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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