I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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