just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
