Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
