i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize