At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
