a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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