Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
