How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
