Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
