We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
