Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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