i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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