Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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