Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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