literally had 100 drinks last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
