Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
