He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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