Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
