Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
