Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I believe in your delicious
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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