Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
