I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
