yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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