i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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