and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
