You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
