why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
