Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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