It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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