so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize