I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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