so explain again why im purple
no
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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