the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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