Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize