I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
