I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
