mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
