ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
