Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
