My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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