u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
