Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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