After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
