we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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