I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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