drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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