We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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