the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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